Episode #23: Overcoming Trauma #23: Calming down

Jan,29 2026

<-#22: Overcoming Trauma #22: Kara#24: Overcoming Trauma 24: Scheduling ->

The kids came back later than I expected, but I was with Martina reading. This really felt like it was written a long time ago, and it's basically fragments of things happening.

It's short sentences; there is almost no continuity. Martina seems inspired, but honestly? A lot of this doesn't contradict doctrine by much.

Like, in 1 Christopher 2, verses 5-9 could have been taken from any pastor's sermon.

Instead he said, "Why do you ask another man to speak to God in your place?".

I answered, "Because you are closer to Him than I, and I am afraid."

Then Christopher said gently, "God has not placed Himself far from you, nor has He appointed me as a gate. For we do not pray by permission, nor by rank, but by breath and need. Each man may speak to God directly, as a child speaks to a father, without witness and without fear."

But then, Christopher actually teaches how to solve the problem. That was one of my troubles with religion: people prayed and didn't adjust their lives so they would improve. They just waited on God to do it for them.

Verse 30 is particularly powerful

For he taught me that God is not persuaded by hunger, but pleased by responsibility.

The kids eventually come back, exhausted.

"Candace and Jimmy were at the lake with their parents", says John.

"Ah"

Soon enough, Martina and Luis left for their home, and I had two kids drop like rocks on the table, converted into a bed.

I was afraid it would be complicated to get them to sleep in such an arrangement, but their new friends took care of draining their batteries.

They still managed to brush their teeth, and I couldn't avoid having them tell me how much fun they had, but it was still fast enough to have them knocked out on their pillows.

John whispered a little to me about how well it went, but then he asked me how it was.

I smiled as he repeated the pattern after our workday.

I told him about the new scripture, about reading it, about how this dude, Christopher, saw God in nature, and how he believed that we should help ourselves

"That's almost a deist argument", he says.

"Huh? Isn't 'deist' a meaning someone who believes in God?"

"Oh, no. Deist means believing that a god created the universe but then didn't intervene. I was once, for a little while, until I realized I didn't need God for my understanding of the universe"

I looked at him.

"But if this is a deist book, it's not Christian?"

He chuckles a little. "Can you imagine that, Christians accepting a new book that throws their whole Bible away?"

"Well, so far, he doesn't contradict, but like, in chapter 9, there is a sort of plague or something, and he basically mentions washing and keeping your distance, and that God didn't cause this as punishment. "

"When was this guy alive?"

"Late 1800s"

"Wow, people were not advanced by then."

There was nothing else to talk about, so I asked him how it was.

"I think I am returning, Elena. There is nothing I can do about the past, but playing with our kids and seeing them so carefree, well, it's soothing."

"And time can heal"

"Yes, time does heal."

"Is the naturism still helping?"

He thought. "No. But the calm it brought? Yeah"

"What do you mean?", I ask,

"We have no control over Sarah's friendship with Cassie. They share classes, and even if we banned this friendship, nothing we could do would split these two girls apart"

"I agree"

"Banning Sarah's nudity wouldn't help; we saw that"

"We did"

"So either we make her feel isolated, or we join in. And you seem somehow more relaxed, less closed off", he says.

"Well, I am making new friends; that helps. I am still unsure if it's the naturism or just that it brought new friends. But that is helping."

"Good. Just don't go all religious on me"

I laugh. "I only read 10 chapters, and so far, it's making me question the very idea of being devoted to a religion"

He laughs.

"And yet, I saw it; Martina and Kara were citing it, but not the start so much. I worry it will grow weird"

"You have a good head about that sort of thing."

"Maybe you should read it next", I tell him.

"I will. Reading the whole Bible is what made me stop being Christian"

"Wait, really?" I ask him.

"Oh yeah, especially the Old Testament? There is a lot of bullshit in there"

Huh. I never read the Bible cover to cover, and I am about to read a non-official book cover to cover. It is shorter; I couldn't read the whole Bible in a few hours.

John is tired too, so we try to find sleep.

Well, he succeeds, and I fail. I toss and turn, but sleep doesn't find its way to me.

So I gently wake up, grab the book, and leave for the nearest sanitary block.

I sit on a toilet seat, not because I need to hide, but because there is light and a seat so I can read. No one comes in anyway in this late hour.

Christopher mentioned children not being taught fear. About bodies not being problems to solve.

My mother's voice answered him before I could. Cover yourself. Sit properly. Don't let men see you breathe.

Then the wife undressed. Not bravely. Not rebelliously. Just... as if she had remembered something she'd misplaced.

I waited for Christopher to defend her, but he didn't. He let the town chew on its own scandal.

I almost shut the book.

And then I hit the lines Kara probably never quotes:

"Freedom that cannot return is merely another rule... Wisdom allows movement."

I read it twice.

If I showed this to Kara, would she circle it or tear the page out?

A moth hits the light. It was circling for a while, and now it burns. I am shocked; why is this not an LED light? Did we not make that switch across the country? Maybe they are waiting for it to burn out, but they are wasting electricity until then.

I think of returning to the camper, but I am more thrilled than sleepy, so I keep going. As the book moves on, it is less and less about Christopher but more about the author's doubts. How Christopher tells him that he isn't ready to undress, even as new people move into the town and are undressing.

But then, he dies. Not Christopher, the author, and the 21st chapter is an epilogue by his wife, not broken by verse numbers.

Again, I almost stop, but then I begin reading the second book of Christopher, written by a man in a wheelchair, who seeks out Christopher after reading the first book. He finds a very different town from about 20 years ago, as most people are nude in town now.

He ends up marrying the daughter of the author of the first book, Myriam, and even meets the widow of the first author.

Chapter 7 has a cute exchange with his future wife; I smile. The next one is the best anti-ableism scripture I read. The Bible has some by Jesus, but that is better.

"It is time you stop measuring yourself by what you cannot do. And begin rejoicing in what you can.

Whole chapters wandered through droughts, plows, electricity, and history I half understood, half skimmed.

17 feels like it's used to justify homeschooling, but honestly, that kind of education, with clothes, however, was tried, and it's not that great. Perhaps for a rural area, but kids need more than just a practical education like the book proposes.

Using farm work to teach works with farmers, but it doesn't help to make doctors, lawyers, or engineers.

I think back to my elementary school and realize that even then, it was a lot more grounded in practical things than my children's elementary years are. People complain about new math and stuff, but it makes more sense in my mind because it helps form more complex thoughts.

Then, the town needs a mayor, and the author steps up. Of course he does. Who else would? He is the main character! I am being cynical, treating this as fiction, when apparently, it's historical.

I think back to my high school. To be honest, I don't recall the context, but I heard about something like the big man theory. No, that doesn't feel right. I reach for my cell phone, but it's plugged in the camper, and I don't even have pockets or my purse. Great man theory, that's it. In short, in most settings, there are few people willing to step up, and this is why we see common names. So that the guy who was Christopher's friend, writing about the town, stepped up as the mayor made sense. In a way.

After the boring number 20, I find two great chapters about how vaccines are important and about accepting a lesbian couple. Apparently, Christopher is asexual. Interesting.

But I am a nurse. I did my vaccination tour during my residency, and I liked it. In the trauma room, I try to prevent people from dying. With vaccines, I prevented children from even getting sick.

Soon enough I was at chapter 24, which Kara and Martina argued, and indeed, Christopher doesn't comment on whether a woman should submit to her husband as per the Bible.

Yuck. I don't like that idea, but I shouldn't expect any scripture written before the 1960s to present any feminist ideas. I mean, even after the 1960s, the patriarchy is drilled into us.

My leg had fallen asleep against the plastic seat, so I shifted my position.

In a way, I am submissive to my husband, to be fair, but in truth, he also is to me. We both think that to love is to put the person you love in front of you. That is a form of submission. But not the way the Bible talks. It just means that I listen to him and often put my needs aside for his needs. Like trying golf with him and our friends. He does the same for me. He did let me go talk to Kara, didn't he?

And two chapters later, Christopher falls ill, and basically dies in the next one. The town becomes a naturist resort, and the author becomes their new guide. Great man theory...

I decide to return to my husband, putting the book on the kitchen counter. I am a little cold, but I manage to steal some warmth from him and successfully do it without waking him up.

I wonder how much of these two books is true. Perhaps it all is, from their point of view. Like the Bible, it intersects real-world events enough to feel real, but what's more important is how it makes us feel inside.

Christopher was a true altruist. He cared about others, and as a nurse and a mother who wishes to erase a broken childhood from her heart, this touches me.

Did I read anything pushing me to move to this resort and live always nude? Absolutely not. Christopher spoke of freedom, not of rules.

Kelly made that choice out of devotion, out of the desire to live like a nun, basically. I can respect that. She doesn't want that in other people. And yet... she brought her husband and her kids into that rather extreme lifestyle.

Kara might be worse. She read those words. She did, and she decided to ignore all the messages about freedom and focus on the restrictions that are apparently in further texts. Offshoots from the main ones.

And she isn't doing it because she is in an exceptional position, but because she apparently expects others to follow in her footsteps.

But there is something else.

Kelly didn't even mention Christopher or the new gospel. She truly didn't want to convert me to anything.

I know that Sarah isn't becoming best friends with Candace, but Jimmy and Kyle are getting close, and it's not like Sarah even mentioned Kara's kids.

Somewhere, in my heart, as I was finally finding sleep, I was slowly taking sides. I wasn't sure yet, but I knew which one of the two felt more like my mother.

<-#22: Overcoming Trauma #22: Kara#24: Overcoming Trauma 24: Scheduling ->