Episode #27: Overcoming Trauma #27: Cooling Down

Feb,02 2026

<-#26: Overcoming Trauma #26: Service#28: Overcoming Trauma #28: Babysitter ->

Monday was one hell of a hectic day!

First, the HVAC company called my husband while he was at work to say that they were coming in after lunch.

He is paid just about regardless of his number of hours, so he can sometimes take time off for such issues to compensate for evening work or a weekend golf game.

If he misses too much work, they dock his pay, but he rarely does.

The problem is that he is seeing his therapist downtown today for his second visit.

Fortunately, I usually get home before the time he would need to leave, but the key point is "usually"

I only have about an hour of wiggle room, so if a trauma patient comes in near the end of my shift or if my replacement doesn't come in, I will be stuck at the hospital.

A solution would be to ask Nadia to come in, but Nadia is also working.

Fortunately, I did have a backup plan in Martina!

She finishes her shift roughly at the same time as mine, so she will be on standby should I do overtime.

Speaking of her, she was thrilled to meet me at church and wanted to get my opinion on the books of Christopher.

I cursed in my head. I wanted to finish the book and completely forgot. Of course, I did bring it from the camper; it's now in my bedside table, but I just, well, forgot to read more of it.

In the end, I was replaced and was able to leave at the right time. I think Martina was disappointed to not help me, but I told her it only meant I might call on her later, even if we have a pretty good system, usually.

I made it home and saw the mess. Oh my God, the mess!

"Hell, I have good and bad news, Elena", he says.

"I don't like that setup"

"I know. But we can afford it"

"I hate that even more. What's the news?"

"Well, I had two choices. Just fix the leak, which would last a few months only, or replace the now again machine with a new, more efficient one"

"A new heat pump?", I said, shocked.

"Don't worry. Ok, so remember the electrical bill last year?"

"How could I? I told you we should have gotten a gas furnace."

"Well, maybe, but we don't have gas on this street. Last year, the furnace ran most nights, and that cost us a lot at the end of the year."

"Define a lot"

"Well, over $500 just on the furnace costs"

"But that's when it's cold, and John, it can get cold"

"Sure, but the new heat pump, it will work down to -13 degrees, which means using the heat pump more often than in the past"

"So the new heat pump will save us about $500 per year?"

"Over its 15-year lifespan, this is about $7500". What? I can count. I need to count as a nurse... He knows I can count. Why is he insisting on the price?

"So tell me, the new heat pump is cheaper than that, then?"

"Well, not quite. But we would need to replace it at best next year anyway, and it could break in the middle of winter with no fast service like this time"

"We waited 2 weeks; do you call this fast service?"

"Well, compared to 5 to 6 weeks, sure."

"How much"

"$9,450 for a high-efficiency unit. I got it cheap because I know these guys; they install the HVAC for a few of our clients"

I look at him. My heart is panicking; this is a ton of money, and I just spent more money than I was hoping for on a stupid membership for a stupid naturist resort.

"Honey, that money is from our maintenance account."

I look at him. Each month, we put money aside to repair the house, redo the roof, and so on.

"We put in, like, $200 per month, John"

"No, we used to put $200. When I got my raise, I bumped it to $300, and when you got yours, we bumped it to $360"

"I got my raise 3 years ago..."

"Exactly. We have over $18,000 in it, and it was planned that we would need to replace the heat pump soon. We'll put the electricity savings in the repair account."

I roll my eyes. "Fine, don't you have an appointment?"

"I do", he kisses me. I try to kiss him back, but this sucks.

I go see the guys work and offer them a glass of water. They show me their water bottles near the side of the house.

"Is everything going as planned?" I ask them.

"It is! We already changed the unit in the furnace and the pipes; we should be done with the heat pump in an hour or two"

"Thank you so much", I tell them, hiding how furious I am at the cost. But I do see that the new unit doesn't look at all like our old one. The previous one was this big, stocky unit with a huge fan on the top. This one is slimmer and has 2 fans on the side.

I get inside just in time for my kids to get home and for me to warn them not to undress, as we have workers in the house.

To my surprise, neither of them complains. Kyle doesn't care, and I think that Sarah simply doesn't want to appear too pushy or something.

I prepare supper and, once again, put some food aside for John, who comes back before the guys are done outside.

He even goes to talk to them before eating, so I heat his food, hoping it won't be too long.

I end up sitting with him at the table, with Sarah on the phone in the room with Cassie, and Kyle being fully concentrated on Captain Toad.

We've had that game for a while; I make a mental note to ask Nadia if it's ok.

"I might only have another appointment in a month, and then we might be done, depending on this month's success on my exercises."

"Wait, that doesn't track. 3 appointments, and that's it?"

"What can I say? Apparently, I am doing great. I just need to fix one more thing to possibly be fine"

"What is that?"

He looks at me.

"Huh?" I tell him.

"Well, you know, what we used to do that stopped"

"I have no idea"

He sighs. "The action that gave us our kids"

"Oh, right. Wait, but what if you still have problems there?"

"Then it's a different kind of therapist"

"Right. Did you talk about naturism?"

"I did. We both think it is helping me in almost every way, except for our intimacy"

"Ok, well, I am down for that. I was down for that every evening"

"Not this weekend"

I laughed. "John, if I had any idea that you were available, I wouldn't have rented a camper where our kids are sleeping next to us, and I wouldn't have let Nadia and Patrick sleep over"

"Well, I wasn't ready then anyway"

"And you are now?"

"No, but I have to push and try anyway"

I laugh. "So I am a chore?"

He looks at me, and I can sense some distress in him.

"Oh shit, John, that was a joke. Just a joke. Remember when we were trying to have Kyle, and Sarah wasn't sleeping well"

"Right, it's not like we wanted to each time. I get that. I wonder why that didn't trigger me then", he says.

"The mind works in mysterios ways"

"Isn't that saying for God"

"Well, yeah, that was a joke too. I am trying, and apparently failing, to lighten the mood"

"No, it's cooling me down. It's removing pressure on me"

"I thought your HVAC guys had the job of cooling you down?"

"Is that a joke too?", he says.

I just smiled. "That was a good one", he admitted.

"Well, you might need the AC tonight; our bedroom might get hot", I just tell him as I go put his plate in the dishwasher.

The guys were done soon after, with the ducts first giving us heat and then cold to test the system. It was left on cold, but once they were gone and everyone had undressed, we raised the thermostat to be comfortable nude, which, visibly, is a lower point than we had without AC.

I did decide to do a gentle intervention with Sarah.

I knew she was speaking with Cassie because she was on speakerphone, and I could hear Cassie's voice but not make out words.

When I knocked to tell her about the AC being repaired, I saw something that I didn't like.

They weren't speaking; they were video-conferencing.

I conferred with John to make sure I wasn't overreacting, and when he agreed with me, I went in.

"Can you pause the call with Cassie and call her once we are done?"

To my surprise, she didn't even roll her eyes.

"Sarah, do you know the difference between seeing Cassie at her home or ours, nude, and by video conference?"

"I am not an idiot", she said. So the sarcasm was just delayed.

"Do you think that only you and Cassie see your videos?"

"It's encrypted"

"It's supposed to be"

"D'uh"

"What if it's not? What if someone takes a screen capture and circulates it"

"Cassie has an album with her whole family nude"

"On her phone, or in a sort of book"

"Oh"

"Yeah."

She thought.

"Thank you, Mom. I'll only do voice calls when I am nude. I'll tell Cassie too"

"Good. That's all I wanted to make sure of. I wouldn't want people to get the wrong ideas"

"No, you are right. That was careless of us"

"Well, if you really want to videoconference, you don't have to fully get dressed. You can put on a bathrobe and get under the sheets as long as the camera doesn't see things that well, are under a bikini"

"We had the whole no sexting lecture at school and about child pornography. I knew not to take pictures, but I didn't think about the video calls. Good catch Mom", she says.

I thank her and leave and wonder why she was so mature in her reaction. Maybe I should inquire what that school of hers teaches them about this.

And yet, I felt absurdly proud of her in that moment. That was real maturity.

I go see Kyle, who is in parts of the Captain Toad game I didn't see yet. I should get back to it, but instead, I went in our bedroom, only to find John in the bath with bubbles.

"You took a bubble bath?" I said, surprised.

"Please don't laugh"

"No, I might actually join you"

"No, please... don't"

"Oh?"

"It's a self-care exercise. I don't know yet how I feel about it, but I am supposed to stay in until the water gets cold. Provided I have the time"

"Oh, I'll give you time. Sarah is on the phone, and Kyle is concentrated, but if they need help, I will handle it."

"How did it go with her?"

"Surprisingly well. I wonder what that school taught them"

"Scare tactics, no doubt"

"That's what I thought. I'll continue reading the book; if you need me, I'll be on the bed"

"Elena?"

"Yes John?"

"If you read very interesting parts you think I might like, can you tell me?"

"Would you prefer to talk?"

"No. I need you to keep going on with your life. This is about taking time for me. Just keep me in the loop"

I liked Myriam's preface to the 1963 edition, which I presume was the first one with both books in a single volume, for she had inherited them both. The first from her father, and the second from her husband.

John particularly liked the part "Christopher did not give permissions, and he did not write rules."

I was seduced by "They call him holy; we called him a friend." We both loved her ending, "Take from these pages what helps you be kinder. Leave the rest to the dust where it belongs."

Then, we switch to Ruth, her lesbian daughter, for the expanded edition in 1971. She became the first elected moderator of the Southern Christian Naturism Church, and she offered her thoughts.

John loved, "He avoided titles the way other men avoid debt, and yet here I am with a title of my own, trying to hold something together that was never meant to be held."

I guess that he is more anti-authority than anti-religion, in a way. Her snippet, "I learned Christianity in a field, not in a church.", also resonated with him.

I ended up moving to the bathroom. It was ridiculous to yell from the bedroom. I sat on the toilet seat and began reading out loud.

Personally, from that preface, I loved, "He wanted the adults to think for themselves, but he wanted us to learn how to think."

There were other good parts, but soon enough, I was in her first chapter, in which we got actual dates!

John decided that he liked Christopher when Ruth said, "The only reason I accepted my new role was to prevent the creation of a unified dogma, as Christopher preferred people to make up their own minds. He spoke of freedom, not of doctrine, for his main focus was the freedom of choice."

The next chapters by Ruth were pretty inspiring. But then, John declared the bath cold enough.

He left it dried himself, and I added hot water to it, taking his place. He took mine.

Hearing the words from the melodic voice of my husband made them hit differently. More inspiring.

It was my time to get triggered when John read from Rush #6`. "Today I hear parents complain that their children are lazy or lost. I wonder how often those children have been allowed to cook a meal that matters, to care for an animal that depends on them, to feel the pride of splitting a log without being told it is dangerous and unnecessary.

Freedom for teenagers, Christopher taught, is not the absence of boundaries but the presence of meaningful tasks. Give them room to practice adulthood while adults still stand nearby to steady the ladder."

I knew I was doing that for my children. They both learned to cook some meals, but my mother deprived me of that.

We stopped, but we worked on our emotional issues. John needed to learn to be still. That's what the bath was all about.

We tuck our kids in, and I ended up tucking in not one person, but three. Why? Because Cassie wanted to hear it, and, well, Nadia was there too.

I joined my husband in our bedroom so he could follow his therapy and work on his recovery.

<-#26: Overcoming Trauma #26: Service#28: Overcoming Trauma #28: Babysitter ->