Episode #28: Overcoming Trauma #28: Babysitter

Feb,03 2026

<-#27: Overcoming Trauma #27: Cooling Down

I woke up just a bit earlier than my normal time, happy. No, thrilled. Still no it. Content. That's a better emotional label to put.

I did think of bringing the book of Christopher with me to the kitchen, so I read some more.

I read the Clara letters that were mentioned to me, and honestly? Apart from #4, I didn't like them that much. Perhaps #5?

Honestly, it was starting to blur in my mind. Wasn't there a chapter about teenagers yesterday already?

Right, from Ruth, I liked her.

The last book is Letters of Myriam, and those, I did love. The lost chapter might be the best of the books, and the last one, the Letter from Daniel? Wow.

I went to work without seeing my husband or my kids. I was used to it then, but I feel like I got closer to them, and it weighed on my soul.

Work was fortunately busy. Enough that by the time I sat down to eat with Martina again, I was almost not thinking about my family.

I could barely listen to Martina, who was all praise and stuff. I'll need to let her help me, because she is idealizing me far too much right now.

But then, I have an idea.

"Hey, Martina, you enjoy cooking, right?"

"I love to cook; why?"

"Could I ask you to babysit my kids tonight and cook them supper? "

I swear I could see her light up. "Really?" she says.

"And to be clear", I lean forward. "We are nude in our house. And yes, your husband is welcomed"

"Nothing would please me more, Elena. You have no idea. What do you kids normally eat?"

"Well, get this. Today is Taco Tuesday," I tell her. "I have all the stuff, but you can bring things. I can repay you."

She lit up even more. I texted her my address, and like that, John and I had a date planned, though he had no idea yet.

She did love my date idea.

The afternoon was a little rougher, but nothing I couldn't handle. Martina ended up at my house before my kids even made it, so the two of us got to talk a little, nude, in my kitchen.

She actually was in a romantic mood and wanted to give me tricks to keep the mystery alive despite being naturists. Some of the ideas were actually good, but one of them might trigger John, since I know about his abuses.

I certainly got to know things about Martina's sex life I didn't want to hear and that I don't want to think about.

My kids arrived and soon enough were thrilled that Martina would babysit them. I think that it's mainly her promise to make fresh churros that worked, but getting them by their stomach was sure one way to get them on her side.

John arrived, confused, but I told him not to get undressed, that Martina was babysitting the kids, and we had a date.

I put on a sundress, and soon enough I was driving him in my car.

"You aren't going to tell me where we are going?"

"No, but you'll understand soon enough. How was your day?" I ask him.

"Repetitive. I am getting bored with my job these days."

"But it was always like that, no?"

"Yes, but I am progressing on my problems, and it's like I was hoping my job would feel better. Don't get me wrong, I love the paycheck, and I'll keep doing my boring job for the safety of my family, but something was said at the golf game that resonated with me"

"Oh?" I said, turning. I was taking a detour to hide our destination and not using the GPS. Yes, I am a woman, and I can drive without a GPS. We aren't all hopeless.

I did grow up in this city; that helps.

"Patrick said that the most fulfilling project he did was redoing his own facade in bricks"

"Right, because it's personal"

"More like he can see it every day. Like, I don't mind that I didn't design our house, but if I had, or if I did our neighbors? I would get to see that each day, you know?"

"So what do you want to do?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I am still thinking"

We arrived at the gate then.

"Wait, are we?"

"We are going to the restaurant at the resort to have a nice meal, just you and me. No kids running around, no Nadia, no one. Just a husband and a wife, nude, eating food."

He smiles. "I couldn't ask for a better date"

"Be careful; I will begin to think that you prefer me naked"

"I've always preferred you naked, Elena. This shouldn't be news to you"

I pause. "Am I funny, John?"

"Very"

"Because recently, I did a ton of jokes that people took too seriously"

He laughs. "It's because you are also very serious, and you tell jokes in a very deadpan way. Which is hilarious, but often, we can miss a joke"

"Well, that was a joke"

"What was a joke?"

"When I said, I will begin to think that you prefer me naked"

He laughs.

"Ok, I missed that one. It is funny. Like the old image of what a man needs to impress a woman, and all she needs to do is show up naked"

"Exactly what I had in mind", I said.

We had a great meal, but then I dropped a bomb on him.

"Do you think I should continue taking the pill?"

"Wait, do you want a 3rd kid? I thought we said we had more than enough"

"Oh shit, no, that wasn't a joke. I was thinking. Is this a good time to think about a vasectomy?"

He looks at me.

"That's not a joke, right?"

"No, but it's not that serious. If you don't want to talk about it, I am fine with it"

"No, I think you are right. We talked about it when Kyle was young and never revisited the idea. I know you have side effects", he said.

"I am lucky, not too much, but still"

"I'll think about it. It might be the right time."

We ate a little, but in a very comfortable silence.

"Are you really ok with naturism?" he asks me.

"I am. What about you?" I ask him.

"Yeah. Granted, I think my new friends are in it for something. I didn't really make male friends since, well, you know, and now, I am having a hard time juggling them", he says.

I think. Often, when I see one of my friends, John hangs out with their husband.

"Same for me. So, I am now dedicated to going full-on naturist, John. I know it's weird coming from me, but I think it's where I need to take my life to get rid of my trauma. I just hope you can follow me", I say.

"Are you kidding me? I am in all the way. Provided our kids follow us", he says. "Of course I'll follow you. If you want us to move to the resort, we will"

"Whoa, no, let's stay in our home. We just put in a new HVAC unit. I think I want the same caution as Nadia"

"Good. I like our home"

I smiled, as I do too. My husband might not have designed it, but his experience helped us pick one that would fit us long term.

We talked more, about our relationship, about our kids, and yes, about naturism. But we did it without fear, without filter. And without kids weighing in.

It felt, well, good. I was almost sad to get dressed to go back home, but I honestly wasn't ready to move in here.

I spent my teenage years hating my mother's extremism; I wasn't about to subject my kids to another extreme.

John drives my car on the way back, and I wonder. Is that it? Is saving my kids from a radical lifestyle the only reason I refuse to move to the resort?

Surely that's not it. There is also that these houses are smaller, which cuts off all agency. I could decide to get dressed, and if I want to go take a walk, I need to be.

Moving here would change those parameters all while forcing me into naturism in a binding way.

I wouldn't be choosing to be nude daily; I would be forced to be.

At home, I found my two kids, Martina and Luis, at the table, calmly doing crafts with things I don't think we own.

"Welcome back, friends", says Martina.

I look; the kitchen is clean, my kids calmly hug us, and, well, they are working with construction paper and doing little animals with a look that I didn't think my children could do.

"Wow, this is great", I say while removing my sundress.

Sarah, speak up. "Martina has great ideas"

I pick up a small ladybug. "This is so beautiful"

"Kyle did that one", says Martina.

"Wow, Kyle"

Sarah shows me the face of a dog she made. But I also see a multicolor flower next to her.

Martina speaks up. "I had Luis bring some craft things. I can leave it if the kids want to do more"

"Please, Mom," says Sarah

"Sure, but I don't have that talent"

"There are tricks", says Sarah.

Martina laughs. "It's not so much tricks as being slow and methodical"

"I'm better with scissors now", says Kyle, and I notice that he is cutting with long scissors that aren't ours and that instead of going fast, he is slow and deliberate.

John sits down, so I do too.

He grabs some construction paper and a pair of scissors and starts something. Just like that. No fear of judgment, no hesitation. He jumps in.

So I sit down, and like Luis and Martina and my kids and now my husband, I grab a piece of construction paper.

I decide to just copy the ladybug. Why not? This is a prototype, an attempt.

Martina is doing a flower, a little like the one that Sarah did, but three-dimensional.

John did a house. Of course he did. A flat 2-dimensional one.

My ladybug isn't that bad, and Sarah's turkey is also starting to look good. Kyle is doing a landscape. There are blue mountains, a red road, and a yellow bridge. It's a little clumsy, but he is only 9... It's actually spectacular compared to what he usually does.

"Thank you Martina", I tell her as I finish my ladybug.

"No, thank you. We want kids of our own, and, well, my family isn't close, so it's only with babysitting that we get some parental practice"

It was close to the time for their bath, so Kyle was done and proposed to go first to let Sarah finish her turkey.

Luis and John are in a deep conversation about the rising cost of building material.

"I managed to get some scraps, like a few extra 2 by 4s, a few 2 by 8s, and some plywood planks, but, like, everyone counts drywall now. They even keep scraps for the next project."

"It's rough. And the tariffs aren't helping", said John.

"No, they are not."

"I am just... I can build the house, but we need so much material. I spoke to the city. Even at the resort, we need to follow all municipal city codes, plus the state. And that costs a lot"

"But you need the lot, right?"

"Oh, we have it. It's at the end of the street with the houses. Presently, there are only my building supplies with a tarp over them."

"Wait, so you already bought the land?"

He laughs. "Bought? We rent the land. Everyone does. We got a rebate because they are trying to get us to move in, but still"

"Oh, right"

"It's the foundation. I know some guys, but even just a few feet deep costs a fortune in excavation and casing time and for the concrete"

"Right", says John.

It's soon time for Sarah to get in the bath, while I am talking to Martina about her desire to get pregnant.

About the pressure to build their home and the imminent start of the 9-month deadline.

I can feel the pressure on her, and I can see, like her, that the solution would be to wait until they can afford their home to get pregnant... but that means they will be older when their first child is a teenager, and when they have their own kids, and so on.

It's a constant pressure as a woman. It's precisely why I proposed a vasectomy to John during the date.

I am 32. Let's say we decide to have a third child. I will be 33 when we have him or her. I will be 51 when they turn 18. If they have a child when they are 21, like I did with Sarah, their child will be 12 by the time I am 66!

I know I am complaining for nothing, as my kids don't really have grandparents. My father is dead, my mother is dead to me, and John's parents moved west. We sometimes go to see them, like for holidays, but we can also spend years without seeing his family. They do come to see us sometimes, but that's rare too.

When Sarah is 21, I will only be 42, which is a lot more reasonable.

Martina feels that pressure too.

They both stayed until after the kids were tucked in, and we spoke a little longer.

It was nice, I'll be honest. I think I managed to express myself enough to humanize myself in her eyes. To make her stop seeing me as this perfect woman who had everything figured out and instead, to see me as a friend.

I did text Nadia the cliff notes of the evening, if only to prevent feeding her jealousy. She replied that she was happy for me. That Martina did some crafts with Cassie, who also loved it.

<-#27: Overcoming Trauma #27: Cooling Down