Episode #18: Overcoming Trauma #18: Going Along

Jan,24 2026

<-#17: Overcoming Trauma #17: Progress#19: Overcoming Trauma #19: Kelly ->

John hugged me when he came back, even before undressing.

Our children soon hugged him, but I did receive mine earlier, so I felt no regret or anything.

He told me about his day at work as he undressed in the kitchen.

I made a mental note to ask questions about that to Nadia.

Cassie and Sarah usually dress or undress in a bedroom. Kyle is more chaotic, but he is less organized than the girls.

Nadia did undress in my kitchen, but while I had my back turned.

Is there some sort of etiquette about undressing?

He did put his clothes in the bedroom, barely missing a beat about his day.

When he was done, he did ask me about mine, but here is the kicker and the reason he starts with his.

It's not that he is selfish; it's not that I asked him to.

It's a learned and conditioned behavior.

He knows that I will have 3 types of answers when asked about my day.

Usually, I will just say "I had a good day" or "I had a bad day" and barely elaborate even if pressed for questions.

No meat, no dessert, barely an appetizer. And then, when it's his turn, he feels bad about taking time when I took none.

The problem is that I want to hear about his day, but on those occasions? I don't want to talk about mine. Not then, perhaps not ever. I lived my day, and I don't want to revisit it.

What he wants is for me to talk about my non-work time in the office. About whom I ate with, who I traded gossip with. Which doctor got called that I didn't work with for a while, and who shared news about his department.

And when I do decide to speak up, I can sometimes talk long enough that he feels fine talking about his day. That's the best-case scenario.

But sadly, there is a third option, and it occurs far too often. It's days when I will collapse on him about the weight of the losses in the trauma room.

It's those days when the patients who die in my arms leave me with a sense of utter injustice. Often, it's the days when a doctor ignores all the instructions from the paramedic, acts like nurses don't know what they are doing, and, in the process, misses a critical piece of information that turns a possible rescue into a time of death call.

Regardless of how long I go, I've cut the communication channel. It now feels futile to talk about saving a project by moving a closet to the other side of a bedroom, allowing the creation of private access to a previously only common restroom. Or about a stair redesign to add a mezzanine overlooking the living room, giving a sense of luxury instead of one of claustrophobia.

What use is it to mention a bad meeting in which a contractor complained about material cost when I just poured my soul over a teenager dying of an overdose?

So, he talks first, always. And what's worse is that after he opened up, it tended to loosen my lips and reduce the risk of a single-word day summary.

But it also tended to help me soothe my pain from the day and focus on the social part and thus, get on to my second option.

"I ate with Martina. She is rather cool, I think"

"Nice. I liked her, and well, I like Luis a lot"

"Yeah, you work with him? How come?", I ask

"Well, I don't actually work with him, but he is a great carpenter who works with a few contractors who build my designs. I get feedback from him"

"Wait, he works for many companies? How does that work?"

"Ah, in construction, plenty of people have a small one-man company, and they get hired by contractors to work on specific projects. Like, this guy, Mr. Wilson or something, he builds 2 houses at a time. He lays both foundations and then gets guys like Luis to raise both houses. But then, when Luis and the other carpenters are done, it's time for the electrician, the plumber, the floor guys, and the interior guys, but while they work, Luis will mount another house for another contractor"

"Oh, I see. I think that I can't understand because, as a nurse, we, like, do routine work. But if I think about doctors, some of them only work a few days per week for us and have, like, teaching jobs or work in specialized clinics or whatever. I mean, it's rare, but it occurs"

"Yeah. Although less organized. Maybe if we become friends with Luis and Martina, you could ask him. I am sure he can better explain it than I can", says John.

"Well, it might occur, because Martina really wants to show me how to make churros. She would like to teach me this week"

"Oh, sweet."

"Do you think I could go see her tomorrow?"

He looks at me.

"Why not tonight?"

"John it's a little last minute. I don't even have her phone number"

"I have Luis's. I could text him"

"John..."

"Listen, I was in my head a lot this weekend, but I think I need some time with the kids. I didn't even think of playing with them at the lake until you did."

"Wait, are you kicking me out of the house?" I say, a little surprised. "I thought you liked seeing me like this"

"I do. If you want to stay, stay. But I think you need other naturist friends than Nadia. I need more than Patrick. I like him, but..."

I think. "Yeah, you might be right. And it's not Kara who will become my next friend"

"Why? Frank seems nice. Kara too. I liked them", he says.

I lightly hit him.

"You mean Kara is hot"

"No, they just seem friendly"

"They are hardcore Christian Naturists. It's a religious thing for her."

"So?"

"Aren't you an atheist?"

"I am, because I don't personally believe there is a supernatural God, capital G. I have nothing against religions. I just don't have one"

I look at him. "Aren't you full of surprises"

"Hey, did I ever say anything about your christianity?"

"I wasn't practicing"

"Ok, fair. But I wouldn't mind if you did. Just... I didn't want to raise our children with a forced religion"

"Wait, so you wouldn't mind if Sarah decided to become a Christian Naturist herself?"

"Well, I don't know what that is, but maybe she is still a little young to choose an organized religion"

"Ok, so we are on the same page. Ok, text Luis, and we'll see. But you are okay, right?" I ask him.

"No, but I will be. I am slowly reviewing my choices, including marrying you, in light of the abuse"

"And you made a mistake with me?" I say, joking around.

"Yeah, I have our divorce papers in the bedroom. No, of course not. You are actually proving to me that, despite the abuse, I made good choices. I love being an architect. I love you, and I love our kids. Maybe I could have dated someone before you without the abuse, but it's you I love. I don't know them; I wasn't available to see them. "

"You could have married Kara", I say, teasing him.

He chuckles. "And how would I have even met her?"

"I know. Ok, text Luis; I'll finish preparing supper"

As it turns out, Martina was actually excited and offered to come to our house with Luis, but in light of his desire to make it up to the kids, I ended up with her address, and after a wonderful supper where everyone was chatty and positive, including John, I was dressed back up and on my way to Martina's apartment.

Fine, I only put on a sundress, borrowing a page from Nadia's book.

I ring the apartment buzzer, and I am quickly walking up the stairs. I wonder, these apartments tend not to have a closed entryway, so how do they deal with the nudity at home being visible from the other side of the staircase?

Well, I have my answer when Martina opens the door, fully dressed. After I am welcomed in, I see that Luis is also fully dressed.

The door is closed, and I am confused. Are they not nudists? But she leads me in the kitchen after giving me a small tour of their place.

In short, it's a one-bedroom apartment, so there are 4 rooms. There is a kitchen/dining room that is roughly the size of my kitchen but also needs to contain her small table. A living room where Luis is sitting, scrolling on his phone; their bedroom, behind a closed door; and finally a restroom.

"I prepared all the ingredients, but we'll measure them together", she says, smiling.

I check the cramped counter and see sugar, salt, vegetable oil, flour, and cinnamon.

She hands me an apron and puts one on herself, over her clothes.

"Oh, right. I guess I am a little confused", I say.

"Oh, did you want to talk before cooking? I mean, you must be busy with two kids and all... I thought we could just jump in. We can talk while cooking. I would like it if we could, but I thought we could while cooking"

"No, it's just... Aren't you guys nudists?"

"No, we are naturists"

"Oh, well, I heard it was similar"

"No, it's not the same. Nudists like to be nude. We like to be one with nature."

"Ok, so aren't we going to undress?" I say, confused.

She laughs. "If it suits you, you can. But Luis and I tend to be dressed indoors and nude at the resort. "

"Oh. I guess it makes sense. I'll put the apron on then", I say.

"Wait, maybe I wasn't clear. Sorry. If you'd like, we can all undress. I didn't mean just you"

I raise my hand to ask her to pause. I need a minute to think.

Is this a translation or a cultural issue? What am I not getting? And more importantly, why I am not relieved that I will not undress in another woman's house.

"Did Nadia ever come here?"

"Twice. No, three times", says Martina.

"Was she nude or dressed?"

"Nude"

"Were you nude or dressed?"

"Nude"

"And when she arrived initially, how were you?"

"Dressed"

"So, if I undress, will you?"

"Well, yeah."

"And do you want us to undress?"

She pauses.

I look at her. She is processing something.

"Desire leads to sin", she says.

"Ok, so this is a religious thing. You want me to lead?"

"I don't know", she says. "I too new to this"

"To naturism?"

"No, to Christian Naturism. I am a Christian. I am a naturist, but bringing both together, well, I am not as evolved as Kara yet"

"Ok, that's fine. And you want to?"

She nods. "I want to live free of sin, happy like she is. But we don't have jobs that let us move there. We don't have the money. Perhaps when Luis makes more money, I can resign from my job and do like Kara and Kelly, but until then, I can't"

"But you want to?"

"Yeah. Kara and Kelly are like saints. I know we don't believe in them, but I don't have a better word. I want my life to be like theirs. Raising my children without sin, in paradise, without society breaking them like it broke us. I am just not understanding all of it, so I don't know what to do"

"Maybe we can undress like this weekend, cook with the aprons, and that way, we keep with our aspirations?"

"You want Christian Naturism in your life, you?" she says, hopeful.

"I don't know. But I want more naturism in my life."

She nods happily. "Right, one step at a time", she says, removing her apron and undressing in front of me.

I just lift my sundress and put the apron on. Luis doesn't move.

We switch to cooking seamlessly, but Martina seems more... light.

We start by making the dough. I've done that before. Water, sugar, salt, and vegetable oil, all brought to a boil. Those are your liquids. Even if normally, I put the sugar and the salt with my solids. In this case I trust her.

She adds the one cup of flour to the one cup of water.

Martina has a deep pot in which she heated oil to 360°, and to my surprise, she simply uses a piping bag with a star tip to make these "strings" of dough that are dipped in the oil.

I use my piping bag to decorate cake, but she makes pastry with it!

I do comment that I have one and that I am used to it, so she doesn't worry.

Each churro is cooked about 1 to 2 minutes per side. It all depends on the color they take. She puts them on a paper towel to get the excess oil and rolls them in the cinnamon and sugar mix we prepared earlier.

She only makes a small batch at a time so she can properly monitor them, but I end up making the second batch.

It's only when I drop some dough on the floor that I notice a little string between her legs.

I smile. She is on her period and is wearing a tampon. Such a typical woman problem.

"Are you currently trying to have kids?" I ask her.

"We are, but I can't seem to get pregnant."

"It can take time. For Sarah, it took a few months, but for Kyle, it was the first try"

"Same for my mother. She had me on the second try, after running in circles for my older brother for over a year"

"Are they naturists?"

She winces. "It's complicated"

I laugh. "Complicated often means interesting"

She laughs. "It does"

We are done with the last batch. She turns off the oven and takes 4 churros and puts them in a container. "For your family"

"Thank you Martina"

"The rest is for now, between the 3 of us, that is, if my husband undresses", she says, hinting at Luis, who wastes no time.

We sit on towels at her table, soon joined by Luis. I only take one churro, but they devour the rest.

"So, it's not that we were naturists, but we weren't textiles", she says.

"Oh?"

"Like, my brother, my sister, and I were often nude at home. Same for my mother. But it's not like we decided. It's more like clothing wasn't required."

"Clothing optional?", I propose, after a concept that Nadia explained.

"I guess, but not really? Like, there were clear rules of when we had to wear clothes, but it was all unsaid", she says.

"And you, Luis?" I ask.

"Oh, she got me into naturism"

"Are your brother and sister into it as adults?", I ask her.

"My sister more than my brother, but not as much as us"

I was done eating, and, well, it was getting late. We talked a little, mostly about work, but soon enough, all three of us were dressed, and I was on my way.

That answers my question about the entryway: they are not often nude at home.

Speaking of home, I had two little monsters and a big one each devour a churro, and I didn't feel like taking another one but didn't want my children to overload on sugar. I decided to keep it for my lunch tomorrow.

I tucked Sarah in again, and she told me how happy she was we were now fully naturists. We talked a little, but mostly idle stuff, like how she couldn't wait to see Candace again, somehow. Cassie will have to watch out... she might be replaced as a best friend, or is it just the novelty of a new friend?

In the end, I kissed her on her forehead, and that night, I needed no reassurance or discussion with John, and he seemed equally at peace.

<-#17: Overcoming Trauma #17: Progress#19: Overcoming Trauma #19: Kelly ->