Episode #19: Overcoming Trauma #19: Kelly

Jan,25 2026

<-#18: Overcoming Trauma #18: Going Along#20: Overcoming Trauma #20: Seven again ->

Tuesday wasn't so much a bad day at the hospital as an exhausting one. It wasn't a sprint, but rather, a marathon.

We didn't get any heartbreaking cases, no seven-year-old receiving a stray bullet, no young mother cut in her prime by a violent ex-husband, and no college student discovering football... and that they had a congenital heart defect that lay dormant until they overexercised their heart.

But we had a flurry of car accidents; many we stabilized, a few we didn't, and several workplace-related incidents, including an amputation, but no soul-destroying deaths.

No patient came in with us convinced we could help them only for them to slip back to the Lord while we were working on them.

I ate lunch with Martina, who had a pair of churros from our batch, but we were also with one of the nurses from the ER who inherited the extra churro.

We barely spoke, not because of tension or lack of understanding each other; it's just that both of us nurses spend our days talking, and Martina isn't the type to fill in conversation when it's silent.

This was just peaceful, quiet.

I came home first again and undressed on arrival without worry or anything. I began scouring the cupboards for what I needed and began preparing a batch of churros.

Did we need more today? No. Did I want to test my understanding of the recipe? Exactly.

My kids came home to a house smelling like cinnamon and jumped in my arms for a hug before each grabbing one before they could even think of undressing.

But then, something miraculous occurred. Kyle, after undressing, directly went to his homework.

Could he just be hungry after school, and we never considered it?

How is that possible?

I look at my two angels while snacking on a churro and realize why.

I was forbidden food between meals, so having a snack, even an apple, was out of the question. John was raised in a more permissive house, but his mother was still afraid of people "ruining their appetite".

At the start of our relationship, we would go to her house for Christmas or Thanksgiving, and she would block all treats about 2 hours before a meal to ensure people ate her food.

She was a good mother to John, but even the best people have their ticks and worries.

Kyle might have just fallen between the cracks of our assumption. This remained to be seen. He might have just had a better day or developed some maturity.

We'll see as the situation evolves...

"Mom?" asked Sarah when she was done. To my surprise, Kyle was also done. He gets less homework, being younger, but usually starts later and thus, is usually still at the table by the time Sarah is done. Not today.

"Yes, Sweetie?"

"Could I go see Candace after school?"

"With or without Cassie?"

"I eat with Cassie at school. I barely know Candace and would like to know her more"

"I get that, but it's complicated to go see her, you know? We need to pay for you to visit her"

"No"

"No?"

"She can get free visits if I stay at her home"

"Oh, I didn't know that"

"So, can I go? She said I can come anytime after supper"

"Let's talk to Dad when he comes in"

This makes her hopeful. Usually, I am the one who says no. Of course I am. I want an earlier bedtime and an actual sensible curfew, while he is more laid-back. It's not a defect; it's called being a father.

He explained it to me once, and it made sense then, but I am less inclined to believe it today.

In short, the theory is that mothers seek to protect their kids, while fathers seek to get them out of their comfort zone and make them explore.

It made sense to me, but today? I feel like this is reductive. I do help my kids explore and get out of their comfort zone, and John does try to protect them too.

I feel like this is another of these idioms that are used to justify careless fathers. John isn't one of them, but many kids that turn up in the trauma room have one of those.

By the time John arrives, my mind is increasingly made up, and to my utter relief, John feels almost the same way as I do.

The only nuance is that he proposes to stay home with Kyle and let Sarah and me go there.

I don't quite understand his reasoning, but if I had to reformulate it in a more understandable way, it would be that he wanted to do some father-son bonding. He just mentioned ways he wanted to bond, not the actual reason he wanted to stay home.

It was Tuesday, and we got tacos. It's an easy meal to make, and I waited for John to get home this time. He did help me prepare the tomatoes.

To his credit, he is better with a knife than I am, but he did do a lot of wood sculpting as a teenager.

He is also weirdly fearless with a knife, but his answer to that is that he is always conscious of the angle of the cutting edge and keeps his fingers away at all times.

On the other hand, I couldn't touch kitchen knives until I had my own, after moving in with him, so I can't complain. He had more experience. I am getting better, for the record. He just had a running start on me.

We had a great supper, with Kyle telling us a funny story from gym class. John replied with some stories of his time, and it planted an idea in my mind.

Did John always like construction and take an office job because of the abuse? Out there on a construction site, he would be surrounded by men, but as an architect, he works mostly in a closed office by himself.

I want to ask him if it makes sense, but the end of the supper is a flurry of filling the dishwasher and getting ready to leave, and in the car to the resort, I realize something.

What if John doesn't want to know that? Because, let's be honest. He is happy as an architect and makes more money than most people in construction.

I am a lot more introspective than he is. What if this is something he needs to discover on his own? It's not like I just realized something critical. It's a theory. He told me that he couldn't imagine a very different life even without the abuse, and I just realized that, perhaps, he could have had one.

But the reality is, would I have married a construction worker after seeing how many of them have accidents?

Ok, fine, I love John. I can't imagine my life without him.

I have to talk on the intercom to get in. I see only 2 cars parked outside and only a few inside.

After talking to Phil in the lobby, he explains that we need to park at Kelly's house if we are specifically visiting her without paying.

Good enough, but I struggle to find it by car. It's Sarah who spots it and who guides me.

I notice there are no cars parked there. Where do they park their own car?

Like Nadia did, we undress by the car and leave our clothes there. It was Sarah's suggestion, but honestly, we couldn't call them, so I would have checked with them that this was ok before undressing if I had their phone number.

We also get towels brought for the occasion.

Kelly answered the door with a wide smile. "Sarah, Elena! What brings you here?"

"I was wondering. Candace said I could come any day. Is this a good time?", said Sarah.

"It is. Come right in. Elena, you are welcome too. I was about to make lemonade. Would you like a glass?"

"Sure, that sound's lovely", I said, before we got in.

I put my keys on her kitchen table.

To my surprise, she doesn't take a can of frozen lemonade, but rather, she boils water, dissolving sugar in it. On her counter are several lemons. She is making her lemonade the old-fashioned way!

Meanwhile, the two girls run into a bedroom.

"Thank you for receiving us", I say.

"You are all welcome anytime. The Lord demands from each of us to be good hosts and have a welcoming home"

I nod. This is the part of Christianity I like. The part about helping others, about being welcoming and all.

"So you are a nurse, from what I hear?"

"Yes, in the trauma room"

"Oh my. That's an exceptional calling. I am impressed, Elena. You are quite an inspiration. This weekend, I was moved by your transition to naturism"

"Thank you", I say. "And I am impressed by your devotion"

She turns to me. "Interesting choice of word. Are you a Christian?"

"I am. I wasn't very practicing because my mother used Christianity for hate"

She shrugs. "I hate when the words of the Lord are twisted to exclude"

"Yeah, I know you are in a denomination called Christian Naturism?"

I can hear Sarah laugh, and then, Candace too. They must be having fun.

"In my opinion, it is the only true faith. The only one that really connects us to the Lord", she says, making a sign of the cross with her fingers.

The water isn't quite boiling yet, so she sits next to me.

"We were created in God's image, right?"

"We were", I say.

"But we decided to wear clothes to hide our shame. That's the original sin! Not the tree of knowledge. Having knowledge isn't a sin. It's acting on that shame that is the orignal sin"

"Huh. I never thought about it that way"

"Why do you think they made eating the fruit the original sin? To control us. To prevent us from truly knowing God"

"Sure. Religion has censored knowledge for a long time", I admit.

"Exactly. Like asking us to hate gay people or to be against vaccines"

"Or to have us women be submissive to our husbands"

"Oh, well, that's what the Lord wants. It's our role as a wife and a mother, but not toward others. I am my own person, not just the wife of my husband, you know?"

I look at her. This is unexpected. I am somewhat of a feminist, but she seems to be smiling about this.

"Exactly."

"Glad we agree. Come Sunday at the service. It's fantastic for the soul to hear how, as human beings, we can be pure, and honest, and respectful of others and not just filled with sin and hate", she says.

"I like that"

"I was sure you would. We all strive for perfection"

"But do you need to be always nude?"

"Need to? No. The Lord knows you. He is in your heart. He knows what is best for you. You are doing God's work by helping save these people, and you need to wear clothes for that. My calling was to help my kids grow up while developing my own spirituality. We are different people with different callings"

"And your husband, what is his?"

"Oh, he works for a healthcare company"

"He does? Isn't he a stock broker?"

She laughs. "That's Frank, Kara's husband. Mine is an actuary"

"Oh, wow. I heard it's a hard job"

"It is. But it's divinely inspired"

"Did you grow up under Christian Naturism", I ask as she stands up to pour the sugar, now that the water is boiling.

"It's complicated"

I laugh. I've been told that a few times recently.

But I wait.

"My family wasn't into naturism, but our denomination was close. Very close. The only real missing part was the naturism, so when my mother discovered it, a few of us converted."

"Became full-time naturists", I added.

"No, that's not what Christian Naturism is about"

"Oh? It isn't?" I say as she starts to slice her lemons.

"No, and this is probably the biggest misunderstanding I have with Nadia. I know she is a good friend of yours, but she completely mistakes my devotion to naturism. Kara too, but Kara fits more with what Nadia has in mind when it comes to my devotion."

"Ok, I would like to hear your vision about it"

She turns and smiles. "It would be my pleasure"

She uses a hand citrus squeezer to get the juice out of the lemon. A few times, she uses a spoon to fish seeds.

"Catholics have nuns"

"They do"

"They devote their whole lives to their religion. This includes not taking a husband or having kids. But then again, their priests do not marry or have children, so it's coherent"

"I suppose so"

"We are Protestants. We believe that we do not need an organized religion to decide who will talk to God in our name. We talk to the Lord ourselves, and our pastors are there to guide us, not rule us"

"Sure"

"Well, I see myself as a Protestant nun. I got the religious calling to devote myself to religion. Not because I think others should do that, but because I think I should do that. It's my calling."

"I get that. I can respect that."

"Good. Well, had I been Catholic, I would have needed to stay celibate and not have my wonderful children, who bring me so much joy in life"

"Kids do make a mother happy", I say.

"So happy. So, my version of sisterhood is getting married, having kids, but otherwise devoting my life to my spirituality. Not because my religion demands it, but because it is my calling"

"That's interesting"

"Thank you. Nadia is a little scared of me, but I am not here to tell anyone how to live their lives. Well, apart from two people..."

"Right, your kids"

"And I don't aim for them to follow me. Kara is molding her daughters after her and trying to mold her son, but I am fine with Candace doing whatever she wants"

"It's how I accepted my daughter's trials with naturism. I let her explore, and now, look at me"

"Yes. I am happy you found our natural state, but I wouldn't have tried to convert you. So, I think it's time for the ice, and soon enough, fresh lemonade!"

I smile.

She had ice made in her refrigerator. We have an ice maker and a water dispenser built into ours, but she has a more traditional fridge without a water line.

"Is your husband home?" I ask.

"He left with our son to go play sports. I think petanque today? They will be back soon enough"

"Nice. Is it true you can spend months without wearing clothes at all?"

"Oh, I don't count it, unlike Kara. I wear clothes when I need to and leave when I must, but I just prefer it this way. We've built a life that didn't need any clothes other than for weather, so we rarely need to get dressed, but when we do, it's not this tragic breaking of a record or something like it is for Kara. I don't count or note it. It happens, and I move on."

"But you are friends, right?"

"Oh, yeah. Best friends. But we still have major ideological and philosophical differences. Like you do with Nadia, and like we will if we become friends. But we are all created in God's image. His plan for you isn't the same as his plan for me. Who am I to judge how someone follows in his footsteps?"

"Amen to that!"

"Amen to that, indeed. You should have come Sunday at church. That was basically the sermon. I was happy because it's precisely my key philosophy"

Victor and Jimmy came back soon enough with a petanque kit. It appears that Kelly was right.

The girls were called in, and the six of us each took a tall glass of delicious, homemade lemonade that was perfectly chilled.

I think that Kelly even accounted for the melted ice in her sugar and lemon juice proportions to make this just the right mix.

Way to go, girl!

Small talk occurred. Victor was interested in my job; I was into his. In short, he helps set the cost of healthcare insurance to ensure that his employer has a competitive edge, all while making money.

Sarah was a little tired, so we left early. In the car, I got a new version of her excuse, however.

"I can see why Cassie prefers me to Candace"

"Oh?" I just said.

"In a group, Candace is the funny, cool girl. But one-on-one? She has almost nothing to say. And they don't have a TV, board games, or video games. She reads books, but doesn't talk about them much. She mostly is into sports, but like, I have gym class for that, no?"

I laugh. My son is very active, but my daughter tends to be more intellectual.

We came home to find our boys in front of the TV, playing Super Smash Bros., one of the few games where Kyle is relatively on par with his father. I think John just doesn't fully understand the game.

They were both happy to see us, and soon enough, we were at the table playing Carcassonne.

Sarah needed to "save" her evening, and Kyle is not complicated to get on board for family fun.

By the time John was asleep by my side, I remembered my theory about his calling. This time, I had more ideas in my mind.

After hearing Kelly talk about her calling, I decided that John was happy enough with his current career to indeed not bother him.

Kelly surprised me. She picked a very outside-the-norm calling and never implied that perhaps I should follow it too.

My mother wanted everyone in town to follow in her footsteps, and that is what turned me off to religion in general.

That night, what helped me sleep was the realization that yes, I would like to know what happens in that chapel during that Christian Naturist service.

I know I am not moving to a naturist resort. I know I am not leaving my job to live nude 24/7.

But perhaps I can heal my spirituality with a denomination that is more open-minded than I knew.

I liked church when I was a child. I enjoyed reading the stories that showed how to be a good person. Likewise, I liked the pastor giving us stories about the town and how we can improve ourselves in this sermon.

My mother robbed me of all of that by attaching hate to those pleasant memories.

Now, maybe I could reconnect that missing part of my heart.

<-#18: Overcoming Trauma #18: Going Along#20: Overcoming Trauma #20: Seven again ->