Episode #31: Overcoming Trauma #31: Wendy's version

Feb,06 2026

<-#30: Overcoming Trauma #30: Real Estate

I was again alone in the morning, but Martina once more waited for me in the parking lot. She wasn't hyper excited and was just, well, in a good mood.

"Luis can't wait to start building. He is about to finish a project and will be available soon to start building"

"Over the weekend, you mean?" I asked as we walked to the hospital in this ungodly hour.

"No, he doesn't have a job; he does contracts. He's in high demand, so it's ok, but he goes from one contractor to another"

"Oh, he's self-employed", I say.

"Exactly. But that means he can arrange gaps in his schedule. Like, instead of taking a two-week project that starts the day after his previous one, he can take one that starts the next week, giving him a week to work on our new house"

I nod; it makes sense. I check in after putting on my scrubs, and I am not in trauma today? How come? And I am in triage?

What the hell? Now this is bad news, and to worsen it, Dr. Clark oversees trauma, and I have a great working relationship with her.

I also note that I start 4 minutes later, so I have time to flag the ER coordinator and ask what that is all about.

"Sorry Elena, HR wanted you to have a breather"

"But... I feel better in trauma. And I rock at it"

"Oh, I know that. But you've had a few rough days in a row, and we try to rotate you."

"But I hate triage!"

She looked at me, sad. "I know, but it's where we had a vacancy. Jill is taking a personal day off. Can I count on you?"

"Come on, you know you can count on me. Even if I don't like it"

She smiles. "Tomorrow, I can put you back on Trauma"

"Great. Fridays can be rough sometimes. I like that"

I am about to leave when she calls me back.

"Hey, would you like a meeting with Amanda from HR?"

"I don't really know her"

"That's my point. Maybe you can explain why you function better in trauma so she can stop worrying about you and forcing me to rotate you"

I look at my coordinator. "Yeah. Perhaps I should"

"Ok, I'll send you to your triage booth. You are in #2 today"

I smile. It's the best one.

Granted, they are supposed to all be the same, but #2 is the best. Hands-on. It's just a little better organized. Maybe because it's Jill's station and she likes her triage room like I like mine, because she trained me on triage at this hospital.

I do a quick check and press the button for the next patient.

I have a few low-priority patients in a row, people who shouldn't even be in the hospital, including a homeless woman who probably just wanted a safe chair in the waiting room for the night. She might have gotten new tickets for the triage every time she gets called so that security doesn't kick her out. I am used to that.

But I treat her humanely and find a juice box for her. I did a basic health check and told her not to worry about her finger that hurts. I even decided not to bother with billing. I have some discretion, and she had confirmed she didn't have any insurance or way to pay. And no address...

She seemed sad not to see Jill, so she might be a usual patient. It's sad because homeless women receive a lot more violence than homeless men. I know, we sometimes get them in the trauma room.

I wondered if my husband's idea for modular houses could help with the homelessness, but I remembered a work training seminar that basically told us that it's not a housing supply problem so much as a housing availability problem and a mental health problem. There are probably enough houses kept for AirBNB or unused to house most of our homeless population. And many people, including perhaps my patient, aren't well enough for a job, don't have anyone to assist them, and then get locked out of housing due to their unstable finances.

I think about Christopher. The books occur in part during the Great Depression, and I feel like no one in his town went homeless. Such a different time. If someone didn't have a home, I can imagine the town building a basic one together. They even talk about getting electricity, so before that, it was super simple to house someone.

I do prioritize a few patients, but I see some trauma patients get sent directly to the trauma room and feel left out.

Around 10:30, a woman in a business suit arrived.

"Hi Elena, I'm Amanda, from HR"

I remove my mask. "Hey, how are you doing?"

"Funny, that was my question for you!" she says. "I am doing great. What about you?"

"Well, I could be doing better in the trauma room"

"Yeah, that's what I'm told. We measure the emotional charge of each day, and when you hit a certain level, we rotate you out. You know, to prevent burnout"

"Is this conversation confidential?"

"Yes, but no."

I look at her.

"I can't tell other employees. But upper management can look at your files."

"Oh, that's fine. In short, I am someone with a rather high level of anxiety in my personal life. I function, don't worry, and don't need medication, but I feel like my base anxiety is disproportionate to how much I need anxiety in my life. I have a good husband, amazing kids, a good work-life balance; we are stable financially, and everyone is in good health. Hey, I even have wonderful friends. "

"I am thrilled to hear that part"

"Do you know when my anxiety levels are just perfect?"

"I feel like you will point me to the trauma room"

"I am. It keeps me on edge makes me jump into action. That fulfills the part of my brain where my anxiety lives. It's just the right level that I worry about my patients, and it almost makes me feel like the world has slowed down around me. Which is often what the patients need. But then, after a day like that, I get home, and guess what? My anxiety is down. It's like it was spent saving lives"

"Interesting. And triage doesn't do that?"

"No, I feel useless. I don't treat anyone. I just, well, assign a priority and handle small cases like a blockage in an ear or bandaging a simple wound"

"Remind me, I am wellness, not paychecks; there is no paycheck difference between triage and trauma, right?"

"Not that I know of. I do get a few more breaks in trauma to change scrubs, but I feel like triage is almost like one long break. "

"Yeah, that's fine. Ok, and you are sure that you aren't adversely affected by the losses?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that I am not. But I get over them. When we lose a kid the age of one of mine, it always pinches more, but then we get another patient, and I keep going."

She thinks.

"Ok, I can try something with you, Elena. I will stop imposing breathers, but when I feel you need one, I will come do a wellness check with you instead of assuming you need one"

"I would like that. Because I might need a breather sometimes"

"You can tell your coordinator anytime between patients. Even near the end of the day"

"Oh, I know. I sometimes do."

"Good. You are valued. I'll let you continue your job, but I might reassign you to trauma after your lunch break if they find someone to replace you here. No promises"

I thank her and keep going.

When it's finally my lunch break, I am told to go to trauma when I am done. I was freed from triage room #2!

I didn't work with Martina, so she didn't know when I would stop for lunch, but I did find Wendy opening her lunchbox.

"Mind if I join you?"

"No, not at all. I heard about your husband's plans"

I sit down and open my lunch box. Today, I have a chicken sandwich made from the leftovers from yesterday, and I was looking forward to it all morning. I love chicken when it's hot and tender in my mouth, but I adore it when it's cold in a sandwich.

"You did?"

"I think Martina called the whole grapevine. He did a number on her"

"I bet. What do you think?" I say as I finish putting my food on the table.

"Oh, it's a great idea. I think it's going to really help me with my plans"

"Right, to open a care center at the resort"

"It's all about having the critical volume. I know Myriam isn't getting any younger. I've talked to her, and she knows she will end up in a care facility someday, and it would break her heart to go to a textile one"

"I bet", I say, digging in my sandwich. I got the ratio of mayonnaise to meat perfect today.

"We have a few elderly residents with the same worry. I want to offer them an alternative, which would give me a job, you know?"

"I do."

"So, do you think your husband could design that care center? I can pay."

I look at her.

"It's complicated"

"Why?"

"Well, he can do it as part of his job, and then he doesn't get extra money when you pay his employer, or he cannot be paid at all"

"Oh. I have a budget. Ok, I'll think about. Luis is on board once the houses are done, and I can pay him for it"

"Will you have a doctor?"

"Well, not really. I am thinking of getting an attendant that just visits weekly, but finding a naturist one might be hard. Well, other than a cardiologist," she says, smiling.

"Right, your husband"

"There is a clinic doctor who sometimes comes with her husband. Like, a few times per year. Maybe I could get her."

"You probably want a gerontologist"

"I do, but where do I find a naturist gerontologist?"

"You don't need to. Just one who is willing to see naturist patients"

"Right. Not a bad idea. Let me ask around. I work with a few in oncology"

"Wait, are you out about naturism at work?"

"I am. But don't worry, I won't out you"

"And Greg?"

She laughs. "No one knows we are even married."

I look at her. It's true, I didn't know Greg was even married. He doesn't wear a ring while working, but he does at the resort.

"Huh. And what was the reaction of people?"

"Mainly 2 camps. General indifference or the start of complete avoidance"

"Right. No accusations or anything?"

"I think HR runs a tight ship about harassment over here", she says.

"I just met Amanda from HR"

"Oh god, I hate her so much"

"Wait, you do?"

"She's always putting her finger in our things", but then, she mocks her. "Wendy, you lost three patients today. I'll put you on an administrative leave for a day; don't worry, you'll get paid", she returns to her voice. "I want to work, damn it"

"Yeah, she was putting me in triage to protect my well-being, but I told her, 'Work helps me.' And she put me back in trauma after lunch"

"I did the same, and she did nothing. No adjustments, no considering my opinion."

I wonder, maybe Wendy and I just don't have the same emotional makeup? Or perhaps different departments have different priorities? Trauma is a top priority; we are a trauma center, after all.

She talked a little more about how she wants her care center to go, but soon enough, we had eaten our lunches, and we each went back into our trenches.

I was glad to be back in trauma, and the room knew I was back because the most complicated patient of the day rolled in.

Another shooter, another gangbanger, another police officer who we need to remind that when the patient doesn't have a pulse, he doesn't need handcuffs.

And he will never need any. This young man, who made bad choices or who was forced into bad choices, will never have to worry about anything else.

Instead, the police officer who shot him is crumbling with doubt and worry. He took another life, and now, he needs to deal with that.

I think about Amanda. Does he have someone doing that role? Because his situation is way worse than mine.

We failed to save him, but we did everything we could. This man, who was yelling at us to handcuff the poor guy, is the one who sent him here.

I will sleep without guilt, but will this police officer do so too?

We can't help him. He isn't sick; he isn't wounded, but that doesn't mean he is whole.

And yet, we all silently judge him. Was it really needed to end the life of this young man? Wasn't there a way to de-escalate the situation?

We all think it. When he finally leaves the hospital, one of us might actually say it.

Amanda protects us from overload, but no one at the hospital handles the rage we have against some trigger-happy police officers we see, week after week, bringing young men whose lives they terminated.

I never see Darren, but this guy today? That's possibly his fourth or fifth fatality. I don't keep track. But it's not the first time I see him, and each time he looks devastated, but visibly, not enough to just stop shooting people.

Is he put in more dangerous situations than his colleagues, or does he cause them? Is anyone checking on that?

But I am just a nurse. It's not my job to organize police. My question is, does anyone?

Fortunately, our next patient is a car accident victim, and the fire department paramedics did remarkable work to stabilize the patient. Enough that he will probably make a full recovery.

When his pregnant wife arrived, he was already awake and talking.

That sure improved my mood.

<-#30: Overcoming Trauma #30: Real Estate